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I’M 21 AND I’VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP. A REAL
RELATIONSHIP. AN OFFICIAL RELATIONSHIP.
It’s been half a year since my so-called “pseudo-relationship”
ended. It hurts like hell, of course. Obviously. But that’s not the reason why
am I writing tonight, that’s another story. OK? =))
During that time span (6 months), a number of people are
constantly asking me, “Sinong nanliligaw
sayo ngayon?”, “Ilan manliligaw mo?”, “Sinong mahal mo ngayon?”, “Bakit wala ka pang minamahal?”, “Kamusta na
puso mo?”, etc. And I was like, “Kelangan
ba talagang laging may nanliligaw? Laging may minamahal?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Because of these curious people and their endless questions, it made me think deeply and then I tried looking back to what had happened to me before. I examined those little
parts of my life wherein I thought I was really ready to fall in love, with a feeling
of telling yourself, “Sana siya na nga.” :) Then I came to realize that after all of the distress that I’ve experienced
during those “pseudo-relationships”, I
became tired. Tired of being hurt. Tired of being in pain. Tired of everything.
There came a point when I remember saying, “Ayoko
na magmahal ulit.” to myself.
Funny, right? Ha! I know. But that was before. :)) After
continually praying for it, I have learned that I should not give up on finding
love again. That there’s no reason to hate love or believe it doesn’t really
exist. That I should not convince myself not to fall in love again. Because by
doing such things, I’m just being hard to myself. I’m only clinging on to a
memory of love that I’ve once experienced, that didn’t end well for me. And
when love comes knocking at my door, I will open it wide and fall in love all
over again. :”>
As of now, I’m still in a quest to “find my own self” which (I
think) has been lost while I’m in the world called “love”. I’m doing such thing
to become a better version of myself. To get back what has been gone to me. Learning
to fall in love again is all about understanding the process of healing. I’m
proud to say that I have stopped choosing to rush through my love life. I let
myself to take time not only in changing myself, but also in reflecting,
discerning, and praying for “the one”, or rather for “God’s gift”.
I will not settle yet. I will not settle for anything less
than what I deserve. I will not settle for a life that is less than the ordinary,
and that is not filled with trust, passion, and love. I will not settle for
what God hasn’t prepared for me yet.
When you are ready for love, it is not about a person, or a
place, or a time; it is about YOU accepting that you are ready for this and
ready to put out everything to the world.
I’m willing to wait
for this, even if it takes years, because I know that God is still busy writing
the manuscript for my BEST JOURNEY OF LOVE . :”>
Inhale love, exhale hate!
♥ KIN ♥
- 7/26/2013 02:55:00 AM
- 0 Comments
